I’m taking that piece of 85% decadent dark chocolate full of flavonols and flavour and I’m biting down hard because it’s good and full and rich – and a little bit bitter.
This morning I woke up to a 6 year old using my butt as a pillow, an almost 4 year old with freakishly long legs casually strewn across our king size bed like she owned it and a dog nudging my arm with his wet nose to get my attention – and somewhere through this repeated reprize of yesterday was my husband, inching his way out of the bed in an attempt to start his day.
But it’s not like I ask for the uncomfortable holding on to the edge of the bed kind of nights but I don’t fight them. And this post isn’t about my organic parenting style, I think it’s about love and leadership and the sacrificial matrix of mayhem and melody that we, that I live in – in abundance!
The ‘familiar’ taste of bittersweet in our wide open mouths continues to take us by surprise as we navigate holding that longed for child as they cry sleepless for the 4th night in a row; we clutch our caffeine laden cup and offer thanks through tired eyes, or the prayed for on knelt knees growing church gathering of broken, laid out lives that require our time and leading and laid down life again and again.
Dickens describes a period like this as being “the best of times and the worst of times”; that polarised place of passion and pain, beauty and blackouts, an epoch of the ever present elation and ache. And I’m not being ‘cup half full’; may it never be! I’m taking that piece of 85% decadent dark chocolate full of flavonols and flavour and I’m biting down hard because it’s good and full and rich – and a little bit bitter.
This parenting, this people leading, this leaning-in requires all of me being all present in the process. I’m ‘all in’ despite the achy muscles the morning after, the pounding heart after helping someone make a fresh-start; the sacrifice of time and home and neat and ever sweet is wrapped in arms of fully loving, embracing and chasing what He fully meant when He said ‘and life in abundance’.
Hannah walked the long road to the Temple clutching Samuels hand; sweating, heart racing, doubting but in knowing readiness to release him into the fulness and promises of God; the parting song of her heart was “my heart rejoices in the Lord…”. As Mary received the news of God’s choosing; she considered what she was ‘losing’ and declared ‘be it unto me as you have said’, and Jesus, in the garden – voiced without pardon “not my will but yours be done”.
And this is our life; we don’t ask for the clutching onto the edge hard stuff – but we don’t fight it. We step fully inside, we walk the path, we consider and breath deeply, we give thanks and allow God’s ‘higher ways’ and our sweat and tears to shape and form who we fully are. His.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also – Matthew 6:21